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Tummy Tuck For Men
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Question: My husband is a very good looking guy. I'm "OK". Never one of those
you'd stop and gawk at. Like some women; suffer from evil hormones so
my weight is never at 100 or a size 4 (rather a 14). He plays perfect
husband in words (loves me; etc.). Lately he has admitted to
fantasizing about other woman; and even, well, masturbating a LOT. I
know this because, well because it's obvious "later" that night. He
looks at porn on the internet daily (I'm a Christian; so against
this). Asked me to watch porn w/him. I've done some things I'm not
proud of the past 3 years and have been forgiven ("chatted" online w/a
male friend to get advice, he took that as cheating). But never has
either of us strayed; I can guarantee you that.
This basically turns my self esteem down to negative 10000000. I
rarely get compliments anymore; and he's all for me getting plastic
surgery (tummy tuck and breast enlargement). I'll never look like an
airbrushed model.
Are all men like this? We hvae other problems (of coarse money;
nothing major other than that). But this has REALLLY bothered me.
I know he won't sleep w/anyone else; but he has and I think still does
go to the topless bars; surf porn; masturbate daily; etc. None of
this is about or with me.
Is our marriage over?
Any advice for me?
Answer: The problem is not his masturbating. IMO there is a problem somewhere
between his wanting you to modify your body to suit him, and frankly your
rather prudish attitude about sex. Lingere and heels does not a fetish make.
Don't get me started about donuts and whatnot!
If you "have to" wear heels "all the time" for real, then there is a badly
unbalanced relationship. In my circle of friends, there would be no problem
with a conversation about a tummy tuck, though the only person who has the
decision about a tummy tuck is the person whose tummy is getting tucked. In
the final analysis, no one is in charge of your self esteem but YOU. If
someone ELSE can sink your self esteem into the toilet, well, then you don't
have any. In that case it is not SELF esteem it is someone else's esteem.
I dont understand what the relevance of being a christian is, exactly. What
demonination of christianity are you? I, personally, know of no christian
sect which tells you sex with your husband, even in forms that include
lingere, is wrong. Do any really have doctrine that include masturbation
being wrong? I can see viewing pornography and the objectification of women
as wrong on some level... But then my attitude would be it is his immortal
soul, not mine! But then I am not a christian.
- Work on getting your self esteem depended on how YOU view you. You wont
beleive how close you can come to super model attractiveness in others' eyes
when you stand up tall and say here I am, take me or leave me! And nothing
is going to put the nail in the coffin of a dead marriage like a witherer
who cannot sstand up on their own feet.
- Get back to basics with your husband, your relilgion and yourself. How
much of the lingere business is really your discomfort rather than a
stricture of your religion, for example? There is nothing wrong with being
uncomfortable, but understanding the right problem is going to make solving
it a lot easier.
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